On my Soapbox (again) or Why We Believe in Family Integrated Worship

Kelly at Generation Cedar had a great post on the family. Part of her post discussed the family in relation to the church. As I posted my comment on her thoughts, I realized I was more than writing my own post and decided it might be nicer for me to leave it here instead of in her comment section. So, it might help you to read her post first. Then you can read what I have to say.

Here's my reply:

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All right, Kelly. At the risk of getting stuck on one of my many soapboxes...

You've covered this topic so well. When we began having our children MANY years ago, they were attending Sunday School classes, and I was in charge of the preschool programs. God has certainly grown us through the years.

When our first children (boys) were pre-teens, we had decisions to make. They attended one or two of the church camps when their daddy was one of the chaperones. Even that was difficult for us and somehow didn't seem quite right for our family.

By the time they were of youth group age, we had moved and were attending a huge church with all sorts of programs for the youth. We chose not to be involved with the youth group, and I was even confronted by a youth worker. She felt like I was being unreasonable when I hadn't even checked the youth group out for myself. I decided to humor her and attended one of the Thursday evening youth events.

What I witnessed only solidified our decision. The band that played sounded like many I'd heard in high school... or even more worldly. The words may have been Christian, but I couldn't understand them to tell. The dress, especially of the girls, was immodest and would only set my young men up for temptation. Though I attended on the normal night for their Bible study/fellowship, I felt like I was at a big party. Little was said of spiritual things.

I explained to the well-intentioned leader again that this choice would not fit our family. She tried to convince me that my children needed to be exposed to things of the youth culture. I went home grieved, knowing what God expected of our family but not sure why or how to back up our decisions. I asked God for verses to clarify what I was feeling and to make it clear to me if I was wrong.

He led me to Psalm 144, the verses you quoted in your post. Once I began studying it, I became very excited. Those verses are now some of my favorite... some of my life verses.

It went something like this...
I looked at all the benefits listed in those verses:
~ our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth
~ our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace
~ our garners may be full, affording all manner of store
~ our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets
~ our oxen may be strong to labour
~ no breaking in, nor going out
~ no complaining in our streets

What a great list! I so wanted those things for my family! The Bible says, "Happy are those people!" The question for me was "How do we get those benefits?"

I went back to the verses. I found the period at the end of verse 14, at the end of the benefits. Then I followed it back to the beginning of the sentence. The sentence actually starts in verse 11, a verse before your quote. Verse 11 says *Do these things* and then verse 12 begins "That" (or "So that") these other things will happen. So what needs to happen, according to verse 11? That's the part that was the revelation for me.

It says, "Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood:"

This is what it said to me. God believes it's important for my husband and I to protect our family from the influence of "strange children." And what are strange children? The word strange often referred to those from a foreign country, who worshipped different gods and would pull the Israelites away from the true God. They talked of vain things and their word could not be trusted. So was God telling us to keep our children away from the influence of foreigners? Well, not based on nationality anyway.

What I do believe He was saying to me is that I was responsible to protect my children from the influence of anyone who would potentially lead them away from their love of the Lord. Did that just mean they should stay away from non-Christians? I believe that means ANYONE, Christian or not, who is not seeking God the way our family tries to do. According to the way this Scripture spoke to me, it would be wrong for my husband and I to send our children to be influenced on a regular basis by those who were obviously not serious about the things of the Lord. That made it so easy for us to opt-out of the many opportunities our church provided for our children.

Now, does that mean my children are always at home, that they never interact with others or that they aren't allowed to speak to someone before we okay their level of spirituality? Of course not. It does mean that our children are trained on our terms, which works since that's our God-given responsibility anyway.

Have our children been damaged because they weren't allowed to participate in youth groups or, with our younger children, even Sunday School classes or children's church? Not by any stretch of the imagination. Our children all have friends outside our family, friends who will encourage them to walk with the Lord. We may not see everything eye-to-eye, but the basic foundation and belief structure is there. Do we interact with non-Christians? Yes... within boundaries. The most difficult are times with unbelieving family members. God is gracious, though, to guide us through those times with people we love dearly but with whom we see things differently. We try to be salt and light in a non-confrontational, loving way.

We've asked our two oldest sons if we were too hard on them and if they feel like they missed out because they didn't partipate in youth groups or some of the typical high school activities. Both of them assured us that they wouldn't change that if they could. Whew!

I'm confident that our family is where we need to be. We are attending a family-integrated church. Even before then our family worshipped together in our church service... even the babies! It had its challenging moments, but it was all part of the training process.

We have approximately 30 younger children in our church that meets in a home. Visitors who've never been exposed to children in the church worship time are amazed at the quietness and attentiveness of the children. Are they perfect? No. Are the being trained? Definitely.

Can families worship and serve together? No doubt about it! Thanks for the reminder, Kelly, that we're doing what God has called us to do.

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Lord, may the decisions we make in this family be based on what YOU desire. May we diligently seek Your plans through Your Word, through prayer and through counsel from others who are truly seeking Your truth. Please, Lord, make our path straight before us so there's no doubt where our next step needs to go. And, Father, may we follow Your perfect plan... even when it's hard.